Search my Heart.

WARNING: I'm sure there are spelling Errors but spell check isn't working so sorry. So as my second to last post here in Haiti I wanted to tell you guys what God has done for me since I have been here; and its going to take as trip down memory lane and a lot of typing but I swear its worth the read. Sixteen years ago I was born four months eairly at 2lb 2oz. As a result of being four months eairly I was diagnosed with atrial septal defect or ASD. Basicaly I had a hole in my heart and at less than a week old they did heart surgury on me. The ten inch scar on the left side of my back is the only reaon I am alive, that and the mercys of God. I see that scar every day when I get dressed yet it doesn't really mean anything to me. I have always had it so when I see it, it's like if you were looking at your belly button. My full name is MacKenzie Grace DeHart and I only get called 'Grace' when I trip over things. So that doesn't mean much to me either. A few years back not a lot about me meant anything to me. I wondered where my purpose was, but then again what twelve year old doesn't. My grandparents on my moms side are the national spokes people for Choose Life inc. The non-profit organization that sells the yellow lisence plates to raise money for crisis pregnancy centers and the protest against abortion. I have been working with them and promoting choose life that since I could talk. And that didn't mean much either just because it was an everyday constant, I had never known any different. The point of all this back ground history is that I never knew I was good. I always had wanted to be something or somebody and followed wordly standards to acheve such things but this trip God showed me what I am and who I am becoming. 100 days before I left I started a journal and prayed for God to teach me things that I would need on this trip. The first day he told me to forgive my past. So I called the only two people that had a hold on me in my life and I told them that I loved them but I couldn't keep trying to force a one sided relationship anymore. The second day he told me I was a new creation in him. The old has gone and the new has come he said. The direction I was headed was change, and I was ready. He moved in me a little but it was the two steps forward one step back kind of thing. Then about a month before leaving I was tired of worring about all the stress that was spinning around me. So I wrote my worries on a list and sealed them in a eonvalope and told God okay I will not worrie about these anymore and I will not look at this list untill August 1st. I haven't seen the list yet but I think he has done some major work there. Three weeks before leaving God speaks to me through an old friend. We were working out and I had on a razor back tank top and her grand daughter asked why I had the scar on my back. And she explained the story to her and then she looked at me and said "That scar means God has big plans for her life." That scar that I never thought about had a whole new meaning. Then on day four of being here we have church with Greg and Cathy Benson and Mrs. Tracey. We watch a sermon called 'Fruit Cake and Ice Cream' by Louie Giglio; and in this sermon he puts a deffinition on a very special word to me, "Grace: God at work." How cool the middle name that I had only ever been called in the negative tense was a good thing. On the same day the team arrived and immediatly they said they noticed a huge difference in me. They said I was filled with Joy, I was way different that I was back in the states. Something I had never realized. Then on week like three and a half of being here Mrs. Tracey and I have a long talk. During this talk I am telling her all the things I would like to do and like to be but I say "I know I can't do them all..." and she says "Well why not?". I had no answer. For some reason I had always had it in my head that there was always a right or wrong answer, a black or white, never a little of both. That was yet another realization. All these realizations add up to one thing. A new MacKenzie DeHart. One who is worthy of living, one who is something, one who has the power to shoot for whatever she wants to be. One who feels God working in her life and knows that things are about to change. And as my friends I want you to help me make that change, help me keep that fire. If I start falling into the person that I once was I want you to help me back up. Hold me accountable to these things in my life. Everyone needs that and I pray you can help me with that. I want you guys to know that your support is what got me here and being her is what sparked a change in me. I love you guys and want to thank you for being with me every step of this journey; and know it doesnt stop because I am leaving it only starts over.